Yet another year on the turn, yet another set of New Year Resolutions to be broken. Am I being pessimistic? Well, that’s not my style at all but I do know that there is sound evidence that most people don’t carry out their pledges – well at least not for more than a few days. So why is this? How can I help you to be on the right side of the statistics heap? After all, it’s not as if I’ve always kept my promises to myself … but I have learned a lot in the process of breaking them about why that happens and I want to share it with you. Let’s do battle with our enemies and emerge victorious!
Why did you wait until New Year?
Firstly, let’s look at the concept of a New Year Resolution. Why did you wait until the New Year? Why did you not make a decision previously and just do it? What held you back before? Really think about these questions because they will start to give you some insight into your level of commitment. Did you put it off because you were too busy : are you any less busy now? Did you put it off because you weren’t motivated enough : are you more motivated now? Examine the reasons you gave yourself to wait until the New Year and you’ll have a little insight into whether you have a fair chance of success.
I do think that the New Year has a special quality to it. It signifies change and growth. The turning of the year seems to give us permission to put the past behind us and start afresh. I believe in making use of whatever help is available and allowing the shedding of an old year to help you open yourself up to new possibilities is a powerful motivator, so don’t allow previous lack of motivation to get in your way. Reach out to the new; imagine vividly what your life will be like when you’ve made that change you long for. If you find it difficult to imagine though, this could be what has blocked you from making that resolution work for you in the past.
Mental conflict
Our minds are always full of conflict. The ONLY reason we don’t achieve what we want in life is because there is some other thought blocking and arguing with the first one. If the only thought in our head is to start interviewing for new jobs we would just go do it. The reason we don’t is because of those other thoughts that say “It’s the wrong time of year” “No one has any jobs available right now” “No one would want me – I’m not qualified enough, old enough, young enough …” “I won’t get any better money than I get here” … and many more.
Suppose you decide to quit smoking. You may have decided to quit many times before but those old gremlins get in the way “It never worked before” “I know I’ll just go back again in a few days” “I won’t be able to cope with the cravings” “How will I cope with the stress?”. These are the conflicts of the mind. When we truly decide to do something and have dealt with our gremlins we just do it – no argument – no fuss.
Dealing with the gremlins
Know thine enemy! You need to work out exactly who or what those gremlins are. Make it fun! Notice the battle going on inside your head and write down the language of each side. Take a piece of paper and put a line down the middle. Write down all the benefits of your chosen action on one side – this is your hero talking, who only wants the best for you – and all the arguments your mind is chucking at you on the other side – your gremlin-speak. Keep working at the list of negatives because you can’t fight a battle against an invisible enemy.
OK. So now you know what you’re up against! Now you know why your previous efforts didn’t work. What now? Our subconscious mind is very powerful and the negative thoughts it provides are just for your protection. It is just trying to protect you from possible hurt or fear or anxiety or embarrassment … even from success. This particular conflict will only be won when you help your subconscious to realise that it’s fears for you are ungrounded.
Doing battle
Let battle commence. Take each one of the negatives your subconscious has shown you. Just one at a time – and question the validity of it. Suppose your goal is to learn to swim. You set yourself this goal before and never got around to it but you really want to swim because your hero says 1. It will be good for you physically 2. It will sharpen your mind – which you know physical activity does 3. You can join your (girlfriend / husband fill in the blank) when they go to the pool 4. You’ll be able to go into the sea when you go on holiday without fear 5. It will help you to lose weight 6. It will help you tone up your body … and so on … to the end of the ‘positives’ list.
What has prevented you in the past? What gremlins have been at work? Maybe: 1. You feel embarrassed in a swimsuit 2. You don’t want to look like an idiot when you’re learning 3. You’re scared of the water 4. You hate water on your face 5. All that dressing / undressing / showering is a pain 6. Your hair will be ruined by the chlorine … and so on to the end of your ‘negatives’ list.
Take each in turn: 1. “You feel embarrassed in a swimsuit”. Ask yourself what it is that bothers you? Maybe you are thin or fat or have cellulite but that just puts you amongst the average swimmer doesn’t it? Is this thought justified? Does everyone go to the pool to look at others and judge them or are they there to concentrate on themselves? Get real. If you have genuine body image problems you might need a little hypnotherapy to overcome it so find aan expert practitioner. The same applies to 3 – Scared of the Water. A good clinical NLP hypnotherapist is trained in techniques which will help you overcome most phobias and fears in just 3 sessions.
Go through your list asking if each negative thought is justified. Is it true for everyone. Does it really matter? Is swimming and the benefits on your ‘plus side’ more important than a little embarrassment. Do you need extra help from a doctor, therapist or good friend?
Will you be a better person for overcoming your fears … absolutely. I’m sure you’ve had to overcome a fear before and I want you to remember that fantastic feeling when you succeeded. Bring that feeling into the present and imagine you have already succeeded at your current goal. Make it real and compelling.
Well, I think I’ve given you a start and it’s time this blog was put to bed. If you want help with slimming or quitting smoking there are other blogs on this site – just look at the ‘categories’ in the right hand column. There are also free e-books and specialised downloads on our site to help you with these and other issues.
Happy New Year
Bee
